Starting Anew
by the-speed-reader
Summary: She waits until she's outside, alone, to break down.


_I've felt like Skye has before, how it feels to be so utterly betrayed you don't even want anything anymore. I put my emotions into words, because writing is my salvation. Okay then, enough of the mushy stuff. This is going to be a multi chapter and will explore Skye and Ward's relationship now that he is revealed to be HYDRA - or maybe he's just posing as HYDRA, we don't know yet, and I'm looking forward to see how tomorrow's episode plays out._

_Make sure to follow this one, guys. I know I don't usually do multi-chapters but I'm working really hard on this one so I hope it pays off._

_Hope you guys like this. It kinda just spilled out of me and I nearly started crying right along with Skye. Oh! One last thing; I've done like three pregnancy fics about Skye in the last few days. This is not one of them, sorry to disappoint if you wanted that._

* * *

"_'It was a mistake,'" you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you._" -David Levithan

* * *

She waits until she's outside, alone, to break down.

She kneels over then, a hand trembling among the concrete while the other flies to her mouth. Her chest is hurting so very badly, an aching hole that isn't being filled, one piece of the puzzle lost to a thousand others. Her breathing is fast and tears are streaming down her face, her throat choking up with sobs that have no air. Her eyes slam shut as she collapses, not even bothering to avoid pushing her palm down so hard that she swears she broke a finger or two. Her hair falls around her in waves, blocking her view from the rest of the world.

"Bastard," she whispers to no one, into the cold, empty wind. But even then she can't say another word; she feels like she's been stabbed a thousands times over again, then healed, then torn apart. The world feels like it's crashing down around her, shattering a million tiny pieces into her very soul. But the rain pours down around her, melting into her very being, becoming a part of her, and she can't help but think, _why_?

Her head shakes and her arms are trembling, her stomach heaving inwards. She coughs up a bit of blood, but that sinks into the pavement and mixes with the rainwater. She's terrified; she'd fallen, again, for the wrong man, with the wrong name and the wrong loyalties. Except this time is worse than anything she's ever felt. It feels like she's physically breaking in half, her heart melting apart and blending into her soul. She can't breath - her head is spinning as she's there, in the freezing cold, on her knees and purely _shattered_.

Love is a fickle creature that causes you to do insane things; she's fallen in love with a monster, someone who had torn apart her very being and kill countless others. She feels like she didn't even know him, but even as the thought runs through her mind she throws her head back, eyes blinking up, welcoming the wetness on her face. Her mind wasn't clear, not by a long shot, but she was breathing. She was alive. She wasn't dead; only her heart was broken, taken by a man whose name was now a synonym for evil in her thoughts.

She shook her head, her palms retreating from the ground. She's leaning back on her heels now, her bare feet soaked and spilling wetness into her jeans. But she doesn't care as she forces herself to breath, to calm down, the aching feeling in her chest fading slightly. It doesn't go away though.

She's scared it never will.

It's then she feels another presence beside her, but when she looks up, her heart stops. A flash of lightning reveals the face of a man long gone, the sight of him forcing a hot wave of anger through her chest. She growls, her fingers catching on a stray piece of rock. She grasps around it, throwing her arm back and hurtling it at him. But then another flash of lighting comes and then his image is gone, the ghost of his presence still in her memory. The rock clatters to the ground, throwing her thoughts into turmoil.

She clutches her temple, eyes flickering. _He's not there_, she swears to herself, biting her tongue and drawing a piece of lip between her teeth. _He's gone, _her thoughts tell her, but her heart tells her different. Her heart tells her that he'll always be there, in her memories, in her thoughts, ever-present in the forever shattering being that she was. Because she fell for him harder than anyone she's ever met, even though under the circumstances she should've run away the moment they crossed paths. But his clever eyes and sly smile had drawn her in; he had trained her, taught her to fight, to protect herself. His words of sweet nothing had her little more than a captive. She feels the memories of his fingers brushing across her shoulders, his lips at her ear when telling her something that was privy only to the pair of them. He had been a constant since she'd joined S.H.I.E.L.D, someone who had recruited her, no matter how hostile his presence had been when they had first met.

Was it all a lie?

_Yes_, she told herself. _It was all to get her to trust him. _She felt played, betrayed in a way that shouldn't be possible. If only her emotions, her heart, hadn't gotten involved. She could still taste him against her lips, how he drew her bottom lip in and kissed her like it was the last thing he would ever do. Her eyes slammed shut again, her face turning towards the ground. But it was too late; the memories were flowing in faster than she could process them. Him holding the punching bag while she was learning how to through a hit; him saving her from Ian Quinn's men after she had begged them, pleaded them, not to hurt her; him hanging out with her in the kitchen, in the commons area, in the training section. She had just been a naïve, innocent girl then; twenty-four years old and she was sobbing her eyes out like a damn teenager.

This thought forced her to step up, her now soaked hair brushing down her shoulders. Her feet hurt as she stepped along the concrete, the pads of her heels not yet worn into the outdoors. As she steps through the door of the brick building where she knew the rest of the team waited inside, she wipes her tears off with her pinkies before shaking her hands to get rid of excess water.

Simmons motions for her to come into the small area when the scientist catches sight of her, but then pauses at her red eyes and soaked clothing. She can feel the bio-chem gradute's eyes on her as she steps quickly to the bathroom, turning the lock and facing the sink.

Her eyes travel up and she comes face to face with her reflection in the mirror. She nearly recoils at her swollen eyes and red face, so she reaches for a nearby washcloth and flicks the metal handle of the sink on, allowing hot water to spray into the basin. Her hands bring the towel to her face, drying it off; but when she pulls it away she sees it isn't enough, that the traces of evidence, of _his _betrayal, are still there.

She manages to catch herself before she sobs again, repressing the rising feel of bile in her throat. But it comes out anyway and she spits up violently in the sink, the taste rubbing among her teeth in a horrid way. There's no toothbrushes here, so after she rinses out the white basin she brings the water to her mouth, letting it flow down her throat.

Her eyes flicker to the mirror again, letting her see full view of her flushed face. She looks like she went through hell and back; _then again,_ she thinks miserably, _maybe I did. _A deep, shaky breath takes over her body and her hands grip the edge of the counter, the corners digging into her palms.

_He will pay, _she swears, an internal promise that will not be broken. _He will pay for what he has done._

* * *

_I'm holding this little fic rather dear to my heart, so please just tell me what you think. Also, I went through it and didn't spot any editing errors, but if you see any please PM me and tell me so I can fix them._

_See you all later._

_4/15/2014 Update:_

_Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit._

_I just watched the latest episode._

_And saw the promo for 1x19._

_Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit._

_This story will remain a one-shot because it no longer applies to the show and Ward is breaking my sorry heart and I'm sorry I just I just I just I can't do this anymore fantastic I'm sobbing oh my god oh my god oh my god. HE KISSES HER IN THE NEXT EPISODE AND TELLS HER HE IS IS NOT A GOOD MAN OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD_

_THIS SHOW WILL BE MY DEMISE_


End file.
